I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
