I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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