I wish I could punch you in the face.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
