woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
