is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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