i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
