hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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