It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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