Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
