you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize