i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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