Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
