You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
