And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
