at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
