i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
