It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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