Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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