Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
