But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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