Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
