wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
