Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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