Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
