I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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