Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
