so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
