I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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