I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just had sex on a roof
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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