im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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