...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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