How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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