1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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