she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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