Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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