I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
