..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
