I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
