True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This is my gift to your gina
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
