Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
