He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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