Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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