I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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