There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
