names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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