he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
