I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
