she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
