I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
