first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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