I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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