Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
