You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
