From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
