i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
