dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
