My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
