You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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