All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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