Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
