That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
