he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
