i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
