dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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