just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
