I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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