so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
