my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
