I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
