he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize