my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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